


The Reality of a Dream

by MapleHere



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Cross-Reality Dreams, Depression, F/M, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:20:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27812179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MapleHere/pseuds/MapleHere
Summary: Dreams are a solace for Winry.  They have been for years.  In dreams, she’s not alone; she has Edward, and Al visits, and she and the oldest Elric have a gaggle of blond children.  She has her grandmother in her waking moments, sure, but everyone else is gone.  Her parents dead, Ed and Al trapped in another dimension likely never to return―all four little more than backs in the distance of her memory.
Relationships: Alphonse Elric & Winry Rockbell, Edward Elric & Alphonse Elric, Edward Elric & Winry Rockbell, Edward Elric/Winry Rockbell
Comments: 6
Kudos: 20





	The Reality of a Dream

**Author's Note:**

> Once upon a time, many years ago, I saw a fic that had BH Winry waking up from a nightmare about 03 Winry's life. This is my own personal take on that.

Dreams are a solace for Winry. They have been for years. In dreams, she’s not alone; she has Edward, and Al visits, and she and the oldest Elric have a gaggle of blond children. She has her grandmother in her waking moments, sure, but everyone else is gone. Her parents dead, Ed and Al trapped in another dimension likely never to return―all four little more than backs in the distance of her memory.

Even Wrath is gone now, sacrificed to reunite the brothers and give her the tiniest opportunity for a goodbye.

An opportunity she didn’t take.

She sometimes wishes she joined the boys in their final journey but then recalls that losing yet another child just might kill her grandmother. From her own son to Trisha and the two little boys she took in without question, all-in-all Pinako Rockbell has lost four of the adults she raised. Winry often feels guilty upon remembering this. Survivor's guilt, she supposes.

 _“Winry, dear, would you come take a look at this blueprint for me? Something seems off about it,”_ Pinako calls from upstairs, and Winry is suddenly brought back to herself. She takes a deep breath and sighs, straightening from her slouched position at her workbench. She’s accomplished nothing, and she’s sure that Pinako is well aware. She was meant to start machining the faceplate for the Martins boy today.

“Coming, Gramma!” She runs her right hand through her hair, pulling the bandana from it and ignoring the layer of oil she's just smeared into her scalp. She climbs the basement steps slowly, feeling much heavier than she should. _I just want to sleep._ She offers her grandmother a tired smile that doesn’t reach her eyes―the only kind she’s capable of these days―and shoves her bandana into the pocket of her jumpsuit before removing her gloves. “Yes, ma’am?”

Pinako gestures vaguely to the design plan before her and takes a long pull from the pipe in her left hand, her glasses glinting as she shakes her head and sighs, smoke billowing past her lips. “Hell if I know. Something’s missing, but I just can’t place it.”

Winry pulls one of the other dining chairs around, taking a seat and doing her best not to recall the arguments she and the boys used to have over homework at this very table. She sighs softly and runs her fingers over the plans deftly. It’s one of the designs that’s based on the piece she made for Ed while he was away for those initial years, back when everyone thought he was dead. It’s adjustable―capable of “growing” with its user. She honed the design while he was gone, and now it’s one of their most requested options.

She pores over the plans for a few minutes, trying her hardest to focus on the task before her, but she can feel the tears pricking the backs of her eyes. _I just want to sleep._ “I think…” her voice is thicker than she wants it to be; she clears her throat and swallows, “...there’s a screw missing. Usually these call for eight, but this one only has seven on the plans.” She runs a finger under her nose as casually as she can and clears her throat again. “The one I made for...for Ed only had six, but this one is for―how old is the user?”

“Fourteen,” Pinako responds, tapping the end of her pipe on the table. “Lots of room to grow. I’ll add in that missing screw.” The older woman nods toward the stairs leading up to the second floor. “Go get some rest. You’ve been sitting down there in the quiet for five hours. You need the refresher.”

She smiles at her grandmother once more, eyes closed this time to hide the gloss that is no doubt forming. _I just want to sleep._ “Oh, no, I’m fine! I’ve just been double-checking all the―”

Pinako sends her a knowing look. “Go. Take a nap, call Paninya, read a book. Do whatever you need to. It’s okay to take a day, Winry.” Winry’s shoulders slump, and she opens her eyes to meet the exhaustion in Pinako’s own. “It’s okay to hurt. We’ve lost a lot― _you_ have lost a lot.”

 _I just want to sleep._ “Gramma…” her eyes start to water even more, and she hates that she can’t even sit at her own kitchen table without this happening. “I...okay…” She bows her head and stands, the noise of the chair scraping against the floor ringing foreign in her ears.

“Sleep well, dear,” Pinako says softly as the blonde ascends the stairs.

“Thank you, Gramma,” she whispers back. The silence in the house carries the words well.

She trudges to her bedroom, unwelcome tears dripping down her face, and flops into her childhood bed without even changing out of her jumpsuit. She knows she’ll wake up sweaty, but she can’t find it in herself to care.

_I just want to sleep._

~^~

The soft light filtering through the window rouses her from the horrid dream, and she sighs softly at the snoring behind her and the arm wrapped firmly around her ribs, a small smile splitting her lips. She closes her eyes again and presses herself into his chest, indulging in the feeling of the rise and fall of it against her back.

 _“Mommy!”_ a harsh whisper comes from the door, and she feels the sadness she woke up with melt away almost immediately. She cranes her neck to see a tiny little girl hanging on the doorknob as the whole door swings inward. “Mommy, are you awake yet?” the girl asks in the way that only a child who hasn't grasped the concept of "quiet" can.

 _Sarah,_ something within her supplies, and she debates sitting up. Ed is so _warm._

She holds out one of her hands and waves Sarah over. “I’m awake, baby, but Daddy’s still sleeping.” The words leave her as if second-nature, and she can already feel her dream slipping away. It couldn’t have been too bad, right? _But it was._

The little girl scurries over and quickly grasps Winry's hand, starting to pull "Uncle Al can't help us feed the goats because he hurts today," she pulls harder, "and Liam can't find his cane," Winry pulls back gently, and Sarah releases her hand, "and I can't pick up the feed buckets because I'm not big enough."

Winry untangles herself from Ed's grasp, but casts a wistful glance back at him and smooths back his bangs. "Well, why don't _you_ look for Uncle Al's cane and have Liam haul the buckets?" Winry asks softly, but the six-year-old's pout when the older turns around just about answers the question for her.

"Because Liam won the thumb wrestle _and_ woke up first."

She smiles softly at the girl's complaints and stands, grabbing her tiny, tiny hand. "Well, I'll come help you, then. We'll brush Baby and Richie, too. How's that sound?"

The girl's face lights up at the names, and she immediately pulls her mother out of the room. "Liam! Guess who gets to brush Baby today!" she shrieks, and Winry's brows knit together as she looks back at the door they just closed. There's a loud groan from the other side as Sarah yanks her down the stairs.

 _"What?!"_ There's a clatter followed by rapid stomping steps as Liam meets them on the stairs. "But it's supposed to be _my_ turn to brush Baby!"

Winry raises an eyebrow. "Well, maybe you should be nice to your sister. You struggle with the buckets, and she's even smaller than you. How did you expect her to pick them up?"

Liam opens his mouth to retort just as the sounds of a clap and a transmutation come from the living room. The Rockbell boy looks to his left, and Winry doesn't need to see his face to know the light in his eyes.

"Alright, alright―where's the feed?" Al asks, limping into view with a cane very obviously made from the floorboards.

"Al―"

"Winry, I'm fine," Alphonse interrupts, a signature Elric grin already in place.

"You are not _'fine;'_ your limp―"

"―is perfectly manageable. Thank you for the concern, Winry, but I'm okay." Al steps out of the way of the stairs and allows the three to come down to the first floor. "Now, someone take me out to the barn?"

Sarah releases Winry's hand and takes Al's free one. "Come on, Liam, let's help Uncle Al."

Liam nods quickly and leads the two out the back door, being sure to close it behind them.

Winry worries her lip and crosses her arms, her brows furrowing. She recalls her dream and brings the index finger of her right hand up to her mouth before beginning to chew the nail. She's had so, _so_ many of those awful dreams, and each time she wakes up, she can't shake the feeling that _this_ may be the dream.

Before she can question her reality any further, a pair of beautifully asymmetrical arms wrap themselves around her stomach from behind, and Ed buries his face in the crook of her neck. "'M not goin' anywhere, Win."

Her heart swells at this. He's always been able to read her so well. She releases her teeth's grip on her fingernail and leans her head against his, closing her eyes. "It just...felt so real…" she says.

He presses a sleepy kiss to the side of her neck with a hum. "Well, what about this? Doesn't this feel real?" he asks, lifting his head ever-so-slightly.

She contemplates his question for a moment and smiles. "Yeah...yeah, it does."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! This was my piece for fullmetalnet.tumblr.com's November event, and I'm actually really proud of the way it turned out! If you're interested in finding more of my writing, you can find me at rizathehawkseyehawkeye or maples-pages on tumblr!
> 
> Feel free to comment! They help keep me writing!


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